If you’ve got nothing worth saying…..

Over the past few weeks I’ve taken an unintended break from public writing, having had the feeling that I had nothing much to say. I have written lots in my journal but nothing that felt worthy of sharing but there was an underlying feeling that I should have something relevant to say or share with those that read, like I’d laid a foundation of expectation from others who were waiting for me to send my regular email or write a blog and that if I wasn’t writing something honest, thought provoking or meaningful people might think I couldn’t be bothered. I almost slipped into the realm of sharing something on social media just to maintain a presence, for who though exactly? Why did I need people to know I was still around, despite feeling like I had nothing to say? That was an ugly ego moment! It’s weird how social media pulls us into this odd world where we need to decipher what is real and what isn’t and make choices about who we want to connect with based on pretty pictures. Fluffy sounding quotes and aesthetically pleasing yoga pose pictures are not my thing so I decided to stay quiet and the reality is that those of you that do read what I share have been occupied with your own lives, rather than having the time to notice whether I had written anything or not! No-one other than me puts any kind of pressure on me so it was my choice to find myself getting caught in a loop of self-inflicted pressure and overwhelm, so I started to contemplate why I had managed to fall down this contradictory rabbit hole of wanting to have something to say but needing not to. The saying ‘if you’ve got nothing worth saying then don’t say anything at all’ is one that’s been with me for a very long time. It’s been very useful at times, certainly in helping me to stop and think before I speak in challenging situations, to question whether what I want to say is helpful or kind and it’s definitely gone a long way towards keeping ‘teacher babble’ in check by overcoming the need to fill every silent space with words when guiding people through their yoga practice. The flip side of living by such a mantra has seen me swallow my truth on more occasions than I wish to admit and saying something because I thought it was what someone wanted to hear, or to ‘crowd please’ when teaching. All of which have led to itchy & scratchy feelings of frustration and anger because I didn’t have the courage to say what I felt. As with everything this is work in progress but I am less inclined to swallow or sugar-coat my truth these days, having learned that sharing it isn’t anywhere near as scary as I used to imagine and that for as many people my truth doesn’t resonate with there will be just as many that do relate and might even find it helpful or reassuring in some way. Sharing innermost thoughts and feelings is exposing and brings with it a sense of vulnerability but if we all decided to keep everything in we wouldn’t be of much service to the world would we? There are so many ways to share, it can be deep and meaningful & touch the heart of another or it could be amusing and bring a smile to someone’s face. There is no right or wrong to connect with others & how we choose to communicate is a personal choice, it’s the ‘why’ that matters, not the ‘how’, isn’t it?